I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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