he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
