You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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