i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
