we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
