My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
