new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
