Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
