I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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