Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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