hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
