Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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