i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
