I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
