I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
