So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just had sex bonerless
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
