Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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