She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she pinky promised me she was 18
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
