I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize