He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
