I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
