I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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