But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
