I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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