Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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