im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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