i think i have two assholes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
