she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
