dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
