im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
