And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
