How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
