she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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