i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
