I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
