i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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