I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
