I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
