I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
