I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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