What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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