Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
