I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
