i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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