no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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