When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
