sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
