The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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