Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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