I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize