tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
