Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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