I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
