Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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