I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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