Im at strip club and am horny
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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