He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
