Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
