I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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