If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
