He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
