Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
