the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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