If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize