And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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