I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
