K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
