cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
