you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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