guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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