Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
