No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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