It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
