if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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