Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
