Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
