I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
