Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
