Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
